Parenthood

Being a parent has it's ups and downs! The biggest down is parent guilt! I feel like no matter how hard you try, you always feel like "did I do it right?" Trent is sick for the first time in his life, which is pretty good considering he is 9 months old! He was a little more high maintenance for a few days last week. He would fuss when I would leave the room, and moan when I would put him down and leave him alone. This is extremely unusual for Trent, but I wrote it off as teething because he didn't have any "real symptoms." He had no fever, was still sleeping and eating good. So, I let it go and thought the phase would run it's course.

Scott and I were having friends over for dinner, and Scott was holding Trent. He was being very fidgety and difficult to hold. He kicked and arched his back- right out of Scott's arms! Trent flipped out backwards while Scott was fumbling trying to catch him. I turn around to see this happening and dove across the room trying to catch him or cushion his fall!! Scott slowed down the fall by cradling him and fumbling him along the way. I slide across the floor and reached my arm out as far as I could, but he still hit the hardwood floor. My hand was close to somewhat protecting him. He landed face first with my hand in his mouth. I yanked him back up the second he hit the floor! Scott and I froze as I squeezed him tightly! Hunter froze too and kept asking "mommy, you happy? you happy?" He so badly wanted me to be happy, he was SO concerned that we were all sad! It was such a loving and innocent reaction!

That second, our friends walked into the chaos! Trent was crying, but calmed down the second I put his pacifier in. With in 10 minutes, he was laughing and eating. He was playful like nothing had happened. I still called the on call doctor. He assured me that it looked worse than it was. He had me check a few things on Trent, and he told me that Trent seemed to be just fine-no need to bring him in. Scott and I were relieved, but still felt SO GUILTY!!! Scott felt sick, truly sick! I felt worried. But, as the night passed we were pleased to see that Trent was fine. I made a pallet on the floor in his room, and laid him next to me. We slept on the floor in his room. I slept with my eyes open, staring at him and analyzing every sound he made!! Trent slept comfortably all night!!

We woke the next morning, and Trent's cheeks looked red. I took his temperature, it was 102.2. I freaked out, got dressed and drove straight to the doctor. I didn't have an appointment, but I was there when they unlocked the doors!! Scott felt so sick, and again guilty! He was so worried, and called me many times while I was waiting to see the doctor! Poor Scott, he is such a wonderful father! He is the most nurturing and loving father, he was a mess just thinking that Trent could be hurt!!

My amazing doctor ran straight into my room. She looked at his eyes, did a head exam, and gave him a thorough overall exam. She said, "The fever is totally unrelated to his fall." I could finally breath- phew! He has an awful ear infection, full of oozing puss! That explains why he has been a little more "high maintenance" than usual!!  Dr. Brack said that she was 100% confident that we did not need to do any kind of head scans or further testing, she was sure that he did not have any kind of head injury! Then I really breathed a breath of relief!! Then, Dr. Brack said "Trent, just cry and be really fussy next time you are sick, you don't need to be dropped to come to the doctor!" That made me laugh! She is such a fantastic doctor and assured me that parents make mistakes, and that we are still good parents! I called Scott the second I left, and he was silent on the phone- caught his breath and wanted to cry with relief!

So, he just has an ear infection! Thank you God!! Now if God could just delete that image from my memory and take away any guilt that is still lingering in Scott's heart!! Trent is on medicine and already feeling back to his normal self...calm and content!! That experience was scary and an eye opener- life can change in ONE second. We are thankful for our outcome, and we love our boys more than life itself!! Baby Trent, we are sorry!!