5 years ago today

...at 10:07 pm, my mom passed away from pancreatic cancer. Does today make me sad? No, it was actually a relief when she died because the pain and agony was unbearable! What makes me sad is that she got sick in the first place!! Why do good people have to feel pain? She was so 'good'....kinda like the saying, "the good die young." She was so loyal, unselfish, thoughtful, energetic, positive, happy, the list could go on...she was just the kind of person that you wanted to be around! You wanted to share your joys and sorrows with her because she genuinely cared. Such a devoted friend, mother, wife and person! My mom was my world, we hardly breathed without talking to each other! Scott used to say that we could have conversations without even talking because we knew each other so well. That's what I do everyday, we have "silent" conversations! 

She loved Scott as much as her own sons. She would always tell me that she thought he was as cute as Brad Pitt!!! Oh, and ya, she was funny too ;-)! But, she wasn't kidding- she admired him! The connection between her and Scott is still rooted in my heart! The three of us hung out all the time, and we laughed hard! He would just give her a long hug for no reason other than he loved her, and she loved his hugs (almost as much as he loved her cooking!!) She would always say that there is nothing in the world like a real "Scott hug!" You know...not one of those, "hey, nice to see you hugs!" but a long, genuine, loving, sincere hug! It's nice to be reminded of their love every time I get one of those "Scott hugs!" When Scott and mom were on a swing....no one else was allowed to join! They would swing for hours at our beach house and Leaky. They only liked to swing with each other because other people would just "ruin their rhythm!!" 

Scott gives me so many sweet compliments...and the best is that he always says, "You are getting more and more like your mom, and that makes me and our children extremely blessed!" Gosh, that compliment is like gold to my heart! She deeply impacted everyone's life. She took a chunk of our hearts with her 5 years ago today! And man-o-man, she would live, sleep and eat 'all things Hunter!" His pizazz already reminds me of her!

Have I healed from her death? Yes, but I still see and feel the scars daily. I will forever have 'scars' that remind me of the pain and hurt..but the scars also remind me of the years of happiness. Most importantly, the scars remind me of the kind of person I want to be...especially the kind of mother I want to be!

Hunter facts: He can actually whistle! He makes "whistle lips" all the time and blows real fast...and every once and while, a whistle comes out and it shocks him!! He is full of kisses- big, open mouth kisses!! He is starting to move around when he sleeps at night. He stays on his back or side. His laugh is so contagious. Scott asked me, "What is your favorite thing about Hunter?" My answer....His love for life! We also enjoyed our playdate at the Butterfly Exhibit with friend Matthew Strickland, and swimming with Cayden Cribbs.