7 years ago...

I hugged my mom for that last time 7 years ago today! Her battle with pancreatic cancer was a long one, with lots of ups and downs. We had moments of feeling like she was healed, then we had moments of knowing the end is near. Along the whole journey, mom and I talked openly about the outcome of death. We decided to let it all out and talk about our fears, regrets, favorite memories, lessons she wants to leave with me, etc. One of the things that made her the most sad was the thought of me raising my family without her help, without her here at the drop of a dime! She said, "being a motherless mother is going to be the biggest and most rewarding challenge in your life!" She was right!! It is extremely hard not having that person to call about 'this or that,' not having that person that you know will babysit at any given time, not having someone that I know genuinely cares about all those tiny things that only moms care about "Hunter said this, or Trent did that," not having someone that can share all their past mom moments with me in order for me to learn! Nope, I am just winging this motherhood thing....BUT, what helps me everyday is the lessons and example that mom left behind.

 She was a full spirited, witty, and smart lady. She taught me so much by the kind of mother she was, and by the lessons she taught me in her last months. Those were some very powerful words of advice that I have stored in my steel trapped memory. Just one example, "don't let the fingerprints bother you- instead look at the fingerprints as a sign of a healthy child filling your home with love, you can always clean them later, but enjoy them now because one day you will look at a clean window and wish those fingerprints were still there!!" She always taught me that finding the humor in life will make life a ride! She would tell me that disciplining your children doesn't have to be so serious and filled with pressure, just brush off the things that will not make a difference in 30 minutes, but "you better make hell of an impression when dealing with the other stuff!" Man, she was a pistol...the sweetest, funniest, most joyful pistol there ever was!!  I tap my memory MANY times everyday while raising my boys! Her words and actions play over and over in my head, she will always be my "go-to" and I will always be able to count on her to help me shape my family! We miss her like crazy and talk about her daily. She was one of a kind, her spirit is larger than life!